The Easter Surprise
by doxiemama
Summary: Ranger asks Lester to help him arrange a special surprise for Stephanie over Easter weekend.
_A/N: This is a little fluffy bit of Ranger and Steph fun for Easter. I also saw a prompt on Facebook that went perfectly with the storyline, so it's in here too! Even though all recognizable characters belong to Janet E., I'm just borrowing them to give them the endings they deserve and most fans want – the story line is mine alone created from the recesses of my twisted sense of humor. Thank you so much Susan for proofing this - all mistakes are mine. Enjoy!_

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"Babe. Wake up, we're here." Ranger gently nudged Stephanie's shoulder, trying to roust her from her dreams of a dark Cuban, Ben and Jerry's, and white feathers.

She blinked her eyes open a few times and smiled sleepily, tipping her face up at him. "Mmmmmm. How long was I out? Your car is better than any sleep aid on the market." Steph casually wiped her hands down her face with the intent to remove any possible drool from the side of her mouth. She had no idea where they were, since Ranger remained his usual tight-lipped self about this trip.

Ranger chuckled. "You fell asleep ten minutes after I picked you up. It was an hour drive here." He got out of the Turbo and went to the trunk to start pulling out the picnic supplies.

Stephanie pulled herself out of the Turbo, then arched her back and stretched her arms over her head. She looked around at the gorgeous view before her and sighed with contentment. Ranger had driven them to a small secluded field bordered on 3 sides by deep clusters of trees, and rolling hills on the fourth side. Meandering along the edge of one set of tree borders was a babbling stream that begged to be waded in. She could clearly see the winding country lane lined with large leafy trees that stood guarding the entrance to this lovely haven.

Her eyes travelled over to the man she was with. She never got tired of watching Ranger move. It was like a choreographed dance, the fluidity of his movements. She watched the muscles of his chest and upper arms ripple as he lifted and carried the large picnic basket, and almost forgot to breathe _. And there goes the drool again._ She mentally shook her head to clear it. "Do you need some help?" she asked.

Ranger had spread out a large woven picnic blanket on a relatively flat clearing near the stream and was currently pulling out the various goodies that Ella had packed for them. "I got it. Come on over and have a seat." He lowered himself down onto the blanket next to the spread of food and patted the spot next to him.

Steph plopped herself down on the edge of the blanket and leaned back on her hands, soaking up the sunshine. They picked at the delicious food Ella had sent for them. It wasn't quite short weather yet, but it sure beat having to be bundled up in a coat. It was a wonderful feeling, being outside over Easter weekend, just enjoying Ranger's company. Their friendship had slowly morphed over the last year into _…..something_. Although they both were quick to deny that they were in a relationship, where one went the other followed. Meals were shared daily. Nights were spent curled together and both found it hard to sleep without the other there. When they weren't together they talked or texted. Although neither had openly broached the topic, Steph was pretty sure that there were no other persons of interest out there for Ranger. There certainly wasn't for her. Thinking about their un-relationship made her smile.

A shadow blocked her sun, causing her mind to return to the present. Ranger stood towering over her, arms crossed over his broad chest. "If you aren't hungry, we could go for a walk. There's a few things here I'd like to show you." He smiled down at her and held out his hand. She grabbed hold and pulled herself up so that they were chest to chest, with Ranger still holding her hand. His eyes bore into her big blue ones, conveying enough want and raw heat to melt ice.

Stephanie gave an involuntary shiver and pulled back from him. "Uh….right. About that walk?" She pulled on his hand to get him moving and Ranger dropped his head and actually sighed. Steph threw over her shoulder as she went to move forward "You're a good man, you know." They walked hand in hand around the perimeter of the field. He would stop periodically and show her different animal tracks, odd shaped rocks scattered around, or the beginnings of flowers that were pushing up out of the ground. At the back corner of the wooded section, Ranger stopped. Moving Steph so that her back was against his chest, he pointed out toward the tree line. "Over there? Do you see it?"

Steph squinted her eyes to try and find what he was pointing at. "Ummmm….yeah?"

"Babe. Look down at the base of that big elm tree." Ranger had entrusted his cousin Lester with arranging Stephanie's Easter surprise. He hoped and prayed it conveyed all of the thoughts and feelings his words failed to express. Since Lester had such a way with women, he was banking on his expertise to help him dazzle Stephanie today. He held his breath with anticipation, waiting to watch the reaction of this blue-eyed brunette that managed to wriggle her way into his blackened heart and revive it.

Steph dropped her gaze, and saw a pale blue Easter basket with a crisp white bow attached to the handle.

Steph's mind couldn't quite process this. Her first instinct was to squeal with glee and cram as much of the basket's contents into her mouth as fast as she could. She paused for a moment though. _Hmm,_ she thought. _An Easter basket out in the middle of nowhere. How the hell did he get it out there without me seeing that?_

"Babe." Ranger raised an eyebrow at her and smiled.

She walked over to the basket to take a closer look at it. It was overflowing with wrapped packages of chocolate and Tasty Kakes. This was not a Ranger gift. His basket for her would be filled with sugar free rabbit food crap, not all of her go-to comfort food she needed for emotional eating when life took a downward turn and started to suck. This stuff only showed up in her life whenever she needed an emotional crutch he couldn't provide.

 _Emotional eating. Comfort food_. These thoughts kept flitting across her mind. She walked back to where Ranger stood, tipped her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at him. "So. What's the deal here? You ask me to accompany you on a trip, don't tell me where we're going, then set up an Ella-food filled picnic for me? Lead me around to a freakin' Easter basket filled with and I quote here, _stuff that'll kill me_ , unquote? I find it hard to believe _you_ decided give me this stuff." Her eyes grew wide as old insecurities reinforced by past experiences took root and rapidly grew. She turned around to face Ranger, poking him in the chest with her finger. "You're leaving again. That's it, isn't it? Or you're going to do that distance bullshit you pull when we get too close for your comfort."

Steph was building up to explode with Ranger directly in her path of destruction. She rocked back on her heels and narrowed her eyes at him, crossing her arms over her chest. Ranger remained silent and just stared at her. She could see the slight narrowing of his eyes and the stubborn set to his jaw. This just reinforced that he had an ulterior motive for the stupid basket. She ground out "Well, that's just….. _fine_." She turned on her heels and stomped back over to the basket, while Ranger followed behind at a safe distance, unsure of what he did.

She bent down and rummaged through the packages in the basket and pulled up a foil wrapped Cadbury's egg, holding it out in front of her. "I take it back. You're not a good man, Ranger Manoso! You're a…..a…..a chocolate giving asshat! A Tasty Kake duper! A Peeps misrepresenter! You don't give a girl a basket of chocolatey awesomeness as a distraction so you can exit out the side door! This is just fan- _freakin'_ -tastic!" Stephanie emphasized her ire by throwing the Cadbury's egg over Ranger's head into the stream. "I find this hard to believe that there's no catch."

She dropped her voice trying to mimic his and lobbed a bright pink Peep chicken at him. "It's all been just a crapload of ' _Baaaabe, here's a bunch of Ella-food and chocolate and a blanket'_ so you can get into my pants, then try to send me back to Morelli again– you rotten bastard!" This was followed by a barrage of Hershey's kisses in his direction, with a few leaving welts.

Ranger stood there through Stephanie's entire tirade with his arms crossed defensively over his chest, blank face firmly in place. He was going to kill Lester after he smeared him all over the ground. All he wanted – no, all he asked for - was a couple of eggs and something to hide a small token of his affections in, but instead his cousin had to pile the basket full of shit that triggered all of Steph's bad memories associated with him. Santos had _one job_ and still managed to screw it up.

He was peppered with another round of sugary ammunition that brought him out of his mental torture planning for Lester. He couldn't have spoken even if he had wanted to, so shocked was he at the outcome of this afternoon. His plan to finally show Stephanie that he could blend her into his life was quickly going down the proverbial toilet. He watched with horror as Stephanie grabbed a large gold foil-wrapped chocolate bunny. She started to toss that at him too, but changed her mind at the last second. Instead, she tore the foil off of the bunny's head, and chomped down on it while glaring at Ranger. He had no time to react when she began to cough and sputter. He made it to her side as her face turned red and she grabbed her throat. As he got into place to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her, Steph sucked in a lung-full of air and bent over with her hands on her knees.

Once Ranger knew Steph was breathing, he sank down in the grass next to her and put his head in his hands and let out a long sigh. Steph swore and looked over at him. "What the Hell, Ranger? You brought me out here to _poison me? To kill me?"_

 _"Babe._ Stop, just stop! You're going a bit crazy here _."_ He got up and stood in front of her, gazing down into her big blue eyes and shook his head in frustration. He gently wiped a smear of chocolate off the corner of her mouth. "I'm _not_ going to leave you. I'm _not_ trying to kill you or poison you. I sure the hell am _not_ sending you back to the cop. Babe, I'm trying to..." He shifted nervously and blew out a breath of air. He leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm trying to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I want you in my life. How long I want you in my life."

Stephanie looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an on-coming car. Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a perfect O. She shook her head and found it difficult to shift gears from righteous indignation to embarrassed contritefullness.

She stammered out "Ooookay. Seriously Ranger, how does a basket full of chocolate and Tasty Kakes tell me that?" as she pointed towards the offending Easter basket.

"Steph. I was trying to show you my affections by giving you all of the things you love. Your snack food, your chocolate. I'm not Morelli, Babe. I don't try to distract you with your favorite things in order to smack you down with bad news. I thought you knew that." He gave her a look of sad frustration. "I didn't make the basket up, babe. I asked Lester to do it. He was supposed to make you a basket of all the things that you love. If you would have taken the time to look at the chocolate rabbit you just bit the head off of, you would have seen the ring I had Lester put inside of it. You were supposed to _find_ the ring, babe, not _eat_ it."

Steph's mouth gaped open. She barely managed to squeak out "A ring? _A ring!?_ As in a ring you want me, Stephanie Plum, to wear on my finger?" She blinked rapidly a few times. "Oh boy."

Ranger smiled and nodded at her. "You can say that again. I want you to wear that ring on the third finger of your left hand. I love you, Stephanie. I'm a man of action, not words. I was trying to show you."

Stephanie scrunched her eyes closed and groaned. She banged her head on Ranger's hard chest emphasizing each word. "Fuck. My. Life. I just ate the _engagement ring_ you bought me!?"

Ranger gave a soft chuckle and pulled her to him, putting her head under his chin while he wrapped his arms around her. "Yes. In you or on you doesn't matter to me, but it makes you mine and there's no undoing it." Steph smiled and squeezed him tight. Now it was her turn to pull back and look up at him as a horrid thought crossed through her mind.

"Uh, Ranger? How are we going to get the ring out?"

Ranger threw his head back and gave a bark of laughter. He smiled and waggled his eyebrows at her. "Babe. It's gonna be a triple X event of epic proportions."

Stephanie's eye grew round as her mind raced to process all of the… _possibilities_ this bad boy in front of her could do.

Ranger watched as her face betrayed her thoughts, and grinned smugly at her. "Not what I mean there, although that has its merits. The triple X event I'm referring to involves X-rays, Exlax, and excavating what comes out." He watched Steph's face contort in dismay and horror as she realized just exactly what getting the ring out entailed, then he doubled over in laughter, clutching his side. After gaining control of himself, he wiped his eyes and threw an arm over Stephanie's shoulders.

"Come on Babe, let's go to St. Francis and get this over with." He led her back to the picnic area.

Steph glanced at him as he gathered up the picnic supplies and loaded them in the trunk. He turned and climbed into the car, as Stephanie got into the passenger side and buckled in with a worried look on her face. Ranger put the car in reverse to start the drive back to St. Francis emergency room.

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"Wow. I guess congratulations are in order?" The medical resident turned toward Steph and Ranger, holding up a copy of the X-ray that revealed a perfect outline of a rather large ring located somewhere in Stephanie's small intestines.

Stephanie stared at the X-ray film, then looked over at Ranger. A panicked thought was slowly evolving in her head.

"Ummmm…Just exactly how big is this engagement ring?"

He smiled and quirked an eyebrow at her. "I told you I'm a man of action and not words. It's big _– really_ big."

"So, how big is big? Big as in I won't know when it makes its reappearance, or big as in I'm gonna _know_ it's reappearing?" Steph could almost feel the ring sloshing around inside. She started to chew on her thumbnail in consternation.

"Babe. Trust me. You'll definitely know."

With a groan, Stephanie dropped her head on the side arm of the chair with a _thunk._ She huffed out wearily "Just give me the damn stuff I'm supposed to drink so we can get this show on the road."

Ranger watched with morbid fascination as Stephanie chugged down a bottle of magnesium citrate followed by a cocktail of warm prune juice and milk of magnesia. "Babe. Let me see if I can get the release papers and we'll take this back to Haywood." He stepped outside and was back within a few minutes with her medical release papers. As they got in the car, he briefly wondered if the Gods would smile on him and he would be called out on a take down once all of those laxatives started to take effect. As they pulled into the garage at Rangeman, another thought took hold and an idea of the perfect retribution for his cousin began to form.

He picked up his phone, smiled to himself and punched in a number. "Yo." "Not exactly as planned." "Meet me on five and I'll explain later."

An hour later, Ranger sat behind his desk with his fingers steepled together and watched his cousin nervously swallow under his silent stare. "Do you know why I called you in here, Santos?"

Lester gave a half-hearted grin and puffed out his chest. "To thank me?"

He started to sweat just a little when Ranger remained silent and continued to just stare at him. He wiped his hands on the back of his pants. "Okay, so that's obviously not the case. What gives?"

Ranger stood up and walked over to where Les stood. "I have a mission for you. One that only you are qualified to carry out. Trust me when I say it has your name written all over it." He handed Lester a folder.

Les opened it and looked over the details. His head shot up with shock. "Operation Golden Nugget!? You've got to be fucking kidding me, right?"

Ranger smirked at his cousin. "No joke. The precise details for your assignment are explicitly listed out. You are expected to carry out your orders down to the letter."

Lester tossed the folder in a nearby chair and started to pace. He looked at Ranger and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, it's not my fault that Steph freaked out when she saw the basket. How was I supposed to know that was the stuff she turned to when you used to mess with her head? This is…..this is a bunch of crap!"

Ranger raised an eyebrow, then reached down and picked up the file as he walked towards the door, smacking it against Lester's chest. He stopped, crossed his arms and grinned. "Exactly."

 _Eight hours later…_

"Santos! Glove up. We've got incoming!"

Lester groaned and rolled his eyes as Bobby yelled for him to get his ass back into the exam room.

Lester walked past him to the box of supplies sitting on a bedside table. Bobby grinned as Lester snagged a pair of gloves and put them on.

"Uh, you know you're gonna need a spoon too, right man?"

Lester rolled his eyes at Bobby. "No shit, Bob."

Bobby snickered and handed him a spoon. "Actually, dude, that's exactly what it is. You know, I don't know what Ranger fed Steph for lunch, but you might want to smear some vapor rub or something under your nose, brother."

Lester stopped and just stared at Bobby. "Seriously?"

Bobby tried hard to hide the mirth he was feeling but failed miserably. "I'm dead serious. I've found five day old corpses in the jungles of Bolivia that smelled better than where you're headed." He handed him a jar of menthol vapor rub, then saluted him. "Hang in there soldier and remember that this too shall pass."

"Everyone's just a fucking comic these days," Lester muttered as he went into the bathroom, armed for active duty.

 _Four hours later…._

Ranger let his very pale, haggard-looking cousin who smelled faintly of menthol into his apartment on seven. "Well?"

Lester growled out "Here. It's in the bag and cleaned. So help me God, if you ever ask me to do you another favor again, I will personally kick your ass, Ranger." He tossed the bag on Ranger's entry table and stomped back down the stairs.

Stephanie came out of the bedroom just in time to hear the door click shut. "Who was that?"

Ranger came over and pulled her into his arms. "That was Santos delivering the treasure he uncovered."

Stephanie shook her head and giggled. "I have never been so embarrassed and excited about taking a dump in my entire life. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to look at Lester the same way again."

Ranger chuckled too. "I'm pretty sure the feeling's mutual, Babe."

Ranger reached over and grabbed the bag. He pulled out the ring and held it up to the light. It was a three carat cushion-cut diamond set in white gold. Around the large center diamond was a circle of smaller diamonds that then twisted to swirl down around the ring itself. Stephanie gasped when she saw it.

"Oh. Oh boy. That x-ray sure didn't do it justice." She raised her eyebrows and looked over at him. "So. It's not in me anymore. I guess that means you can't claim ownership, huh? I mean, you never actually _said_ the words, Ranger. A girl sometimes needs the words, you know. It helps to keep actions from being misinterpreted." She winked at him.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes with an air of vulnerability Steph was not used to seeing. He took her left hand and slid the clean and shiny ring onto her third finger. "It makes you mine now, right? Will you marry me?"

She smiled and nodded. With her best sex kitten voice she told him " **It's hard to resist a bad boy who's a good man."** Steph leaned up and placed a soft kiss on his chin.

Ranger's eyes darkened in response. "Babe. I'm at my best when I'm being my baddest. Do you need a reminder?" He quirked one eyebrow up at her with the promise to show her exactly how bad he could be, and pulled his giggling fiancé into the bedroom to follow through on that promise.


End file.
